Andy Young: There’s no accounting for taste

By Andy Young

Why do some people adore foods that others detest? I love beets and prunes, though perhaps not at the same time. The same goes for bran muffins, dried apricots, ripe watermelon, Pink Lady apples, and several other items I actively savor every time I have them. I cannot fathom how anyone could possibly dislike these culinary delights, yet I know plenty of people who wrinkle up their noses at just the mention of them. I think grape juice is fantastic, but others complain it’s too sweet.

On the other hand, many people love chocolate ice cream, but I don’t. The same goes for coffee, and also beer. But at least those beverages don’t drive me from a room. Anything topped with nasty, foul-smelling melted cheese does, though. I find that particular stench nearly as off-putting as tobacco smoke. Peanut butter is another stinky food item I could do without.

Certain condiments (ketchup and mayonnaise, to name two) render any food(s) inedible for me. Yet other people, including some in my own family, use more ketchup on their fries than I do of milk on my cereal.

Potatoes can be delicious mashed, baked, roasted, scalloped, boiled, French fried, or in soups, but the best and most convenient way to enjoy them is as chips. But let’s be clear; any chip that’s designed to taste like salt and vinegar, barbecue sauce, sour cream and onion, dill pickle, lime and chili, ketchup or cheddar cheese is, in my opinion, useful only as salty compost, or as crunchy bait for rat traps.

There is, in my view, only one appropriate flavor for a chip: potato. Period. The best ones, commonly known as “wavy” chips are the ones with big ridges in them. “Rippled” (small-ridged) chips aren’t as good; they’re too salty. Don’t ask me why; they just are. As for regular, ridge-free potato chips, they always seem a little greasy to me. They’re uninspired and uninspiring.

And on the subject of snack foods, what’s up with bagged popcorn? You’re supposed to pop the stuff yourself; that way it’s warm, and you can add as much (or as little) salt and butter as you want. People who eat bagged, pre-popped popcorn have no sense of taste or are just plain lazy. And don’t get me started about flavored popcorn.

At least four of the five senses play a significant role in how people decide what they are and aren’t willing to ingest. The exception involves hearing. I can’t think of anything edible that makes alluring or off-putting sounds, unless one counts the shriek that comes out of a lobster getting boiled alive. For those to whom texture (touch) is important, items like mushrooms and certain types of seafood are, if you’ll pardon the expression, untouchables.

Taste and smell are similar but can have very different effects when it comes to food. For me there aren’t many aromas more alluring than beef sizzling on a backyard grill. I haven’t eaten red meat in years, but I’m still drawn to the smell of it cooking. I find the fragrance that emanates from a steakhouse nearly as pleasing olfactorily as an orange-purple sunset is visually.

Finally, who in their right mind willingly puts hot sauce (or similar elixirs) on items they intend to eat? Hellfire Hot Sauce boasts of containing 6.66 million SHU (Scoville Heat Units). To me the only thing less desirable than eating something which scorches the esophagus en route to one’s digestive system is one that burns even hotter as it exits, a seemingly horrific sensation one can safely assume 6.66 million SHU hot sauce provides. <