Andy Young: A job I could do

By Andy Young

There are numerous professions that for a variety of reasons I’d be a bad fit for.

Most of these jobs require having skills and/or personal traits which I don’t possess. I’m no good at sitting still for long periods of time, which would make me an ineffective office worker. I lack the patience necessary to do work requiring significant care to detail, making me ill-suited for anything involving working with my hands, and thus disqualifying me from becoming a surgeon, carpenter, jeweler, electrician, tailor, hairdresser or plumber, among other things.

Performing the same task(s) over and over again, like working on an assembly line, would probably make me (and many of those around me) crazy. I’ve always steered clear of anything requiring me to be in, around, or atop water, which eliminates the possibility of being a fisherman, boat captain, or lifeguard. And since I prefer having solid ground under my feet, airline pilot is out, too. There are also certain lines of work I couldn’t execute due to self-imposed moral limitations, including tobacco purveyor, sniper, drug dealer, casino operator, lottery spokesperson, and reality TV star.

I’ve also never been wild about exerting authority over strangers, which means I’d make a lousy police officer. On a recent trip to Canada, I observed another job I’d be ineffective at. When my son and I crossed into New Brunswick last month, a stern-looking customs agent, after checking our passports, asked if we were bringing any alcohol, drugs, firearms, or explosives into his country. We responded truthfully that we were not and after looking us over briefly, he waved us through.

We were being 100 percent honest, but how did he know that for certain? Border guards clearly have skills I’d be unable to master. (Thank goodness he didn’t ask if I were carrying some old Canadian coins, because I was carrying quite a number of those.)

But thanks to a memorable trip earlier this summer, there’s a job I know I’d be great at: Director of Tourism for the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labrador. I could go on for hours about how wonderful it is up there, and I probably saw less than one percent of what makes it so magical. True, getting there takes a great deal of time, and it’s probably less attractive in the winter. There are also a few smaller, trivial flaws which my conscience would require me to point out.

For example, every so often a moose wanders out into the path of a car going 130 kph down the Trans-Canada Highway, which results in the immediate demise of all involved parties. Also, no one accepts Canadian pennies there anymore, although that’s understandable, since the country stopped minting new ones in 2012, and officially took them out of circulation the following year. I also discovered one other imperfection, although it doesn’t impact everyone.

The American dollar is exceptionally strong in Canada these days and given the current exchange rate, I thought I might pick up a new pair of sneakers while I was there. But alas, I learned that either no one in Newfoundland takes a size 14 shoe, or the person who does had already purchased every available pair. I never saw anything above a twelve-and-a-half during my entire time in the province.

However, if what you’re looking for is natural beauty, fascinating history, and gracious people who’ll treat you like royalty, Newfoundland’s just the place for you. It’s got something for everybody.

Unless you’re looking for a pair of size 14 shoes, and planning on paying for them with a bag of Canadian pennies. <