Andy Young: Making a contribution

By Andy Young

“Time is money,” Ben Franklin wrote in “Advice to a Young Tradesman,” an essay he penned in 1748. I’ve always thought that made a lot of sense, which was why 10 years ago, I decided to make my home television-free.

It’s a choice I’ve never regretted. The thousands (or maybe tens of thousands) of hours I’ve spent doing something other than sitting inertly in front of a video screen have been exceptionally well spent.

One of the many fringe benefits of having no TV is being spared the irritation of the ceaseless (and generally senseless) stream of politically themed hogwash that floods the airwaves during an election year. However, a recent spate of phone calls and text messages originating from area codes I’m unfamiliar with indicate that the lack of a video screen is no longer effective insurance against getting bombarded with campaign ads.

Resourceful political operatives have found new ways to inundate our consciousness with all kinds of propaganda. The text messages and phone calls I’ve gotten in just the past week verify that even for those who don’t do TV or social media, there’s no escaping incessant politically based electronic invasions, the bulk of which are an insult to our collective intelligence.

The upside to the recent spate of junk text messages and robocalls I’ve been receiving is that I’m clearly in high demand, given the frequency with which heavy hitters from both of America’s major political parties are lavishing their attention on me. However, given the tone of their correspondence, it seems these people are less interested in getting my vote this November than they are in obtaining access to my wallet and/or bank account.

Representatives of both candidates for Maine’s U.S. Senate seat have confided in me that they’d really appreciate my fiscal support, although I suspect every adult in Maine is receiving similar appeals.

But it’s not just Maine politicians and their hired guns who are vying for my affection, or more specifically my checkbook.

Somebody from area code 771 messaged me that a historic 13-star flag has been reserved in my name, and they will send it to me for a tax-deductible gift of $35 (or more, if I’d prefer).

The speaker of the United States House of Representatives texted me with, “You’re the key to our success.” I’m not sure why he thinks that, since he represents Louisiana’s 4th congressional district, and I’m not eligible to vote there.

I’ve also heard from the vice-president, several senators, and multiple high-visibility panhandlers from both parties, all of whom use a variety of come-ons to deliver the same basic message: “Give us your money, because if you don’t the bad guys will win, and you, the nation, and the world are doomed.” 

Given the still-rising cost of healthcare, groceries, energy, and just about every other necessity these days, I won’t be contributing money to anyone running for elective office this year. That’s partly because I’m not in a position to, but also because whatever I could afford to give would be dwarfed by the already obscene contributions both Democrats and Republicans are getting from corporations, lobbyists, and other special interest groups already financing the ceaseless attack ads every American who’s not a hermit living off the power grid will be getting swamped with between now and Nov. 3.

But if this army of partisan scroungers (both human and robotic) will take my advice, I’ll give them something of equal or greater value.

Stop pestering people like me for donations. Continuously attempting to shake us down is wasting everyone’s valuable time.

And as Ben Franklin sagely pointed out, time is money. <