Andy Young: All about dead presidents

By Andy Young

Don’t let the headline fool you.

This column has nothing to do with those two-and-a-half inch by six-inch pieces of green paper that a few people over the age of 50 still use to purchase things. This essay concerns America’s actual presidents, or more specifically the 39 of them who are no longer living.

When June 1 dawned and Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter were still breathing, it continued one of the most unnoticed but remarkable streaks in American history.

Since the nation inaugurated its first chief executive in 1789, no American ex-president has ever died during the calendar’s fifth month. That’s 235 Mays (and counting) without a single presidential death.

There are two other months when no former president has died, but August’s and September’s streaks come with asterisks. Warren Harding succumbed to a heart attack on Aug. 2, 1923, while James Garfield (Sept. 19, 1881) and William McKinley (Sept. 14, 1901) were both felled by assassins. But each of them was a sitting president when he died, so August and September remain technically unsullied by the demise of any former chief executives.

While May remains a safe haven for America’s ex-commanders-in-chief, the two months that follow it are extraordinarily perilous ones. A half-dozen ex-presidents died in June, specifically Andrew Jackson, Grover Cleveland, Ronald Reagan, and a trio of Jameses (Madison, Polk, and Buchanan). And the following month is even deadlier: seven presidents (John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, Martin Van Buren, Zachary Taylor, Andrew Johnson, and Ulysses S. Grant) expired during July.

Ironically the deadliest day for ex-presidents is July 4. Three of them (John Adams and Thomas Jefferson in 1826 and James Monroe in 1831) have died on the nation’s nominal birthday. Dec. 26 (Harry Truman in 1972 and Gerald Ford in 2006) and March 8 (Millard Fillmore in 1874 and William Howard Taft in 1930) are the only two other dates to have marked the end of more than one ex-presidential life.

Five former White House occupants died in January: John Tyler, Rutherford Hayes, Theodore Roosevelt, Calvin Coolidge, and Lyndon Johnson. Next up on the presidential death-by-month list, with four each: March (Fillmore, Taft, Benjamin Harrison, and Dwight Eisenhower) and April (William Henry Harrison, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, and Richard Nixon). December (George Washington, along with the aforementioned Truman and Ford) and November (Chester Arthur, John F. Kennedy, and George H. W. Bush) follow with three each. Two presidents died in the months of September (Garfield and McKinley), October (Franklin Pierce and Herbert Hoover) and February (John Quincy Adams and Woodrow Wilson).

New York is clearly the most dangerous state for ex-presidents: nine of the 39 no-longer-extant chief executives expired there. Seven more died in Washington D.C., four had their lives conclude in Virginia, and Texas, California, and Tennessee have each had three presidents die inside their borders.

The longest America has gone between presidential deaths was 26 years, six months, and 20 days, which was the time span between George Washington’s demise on Dec. 14, 1799, and the deaths of Adams and Jefferson on the nation’s 50th birthday, 9,698 days later. The second-longest death-free span was the 7,760 days that transpired between the passings of Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon.

So, what exactly can be learned from all of this painstaking research? Maybe nothing. However, if I were a current or former president of the United States who was interested in continuing to stay alive for a while longer, I think I’d steer clear of New York and Washington D.C. for the next couple of months. <

Andy Young: The Shortest and the Best

By Andy Young

A jealous, small-minded few maintain that those of us who began life in February have permanent chips on our shoulders because we were born in the briefest of the twelve months.

They’re wrong.

Why would we Aquarians (and the 36.3 percent of Februarians who were born under the sign of Pisces) have an inferiority complex? In the slightly amended words of the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (a close friend of the late John Lewis, also a February native): “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin nor by their birth month’s duration, but by the quality of their character.”

Does evidence exist that people born in February are more likely to be courageous, trend setting, literate, innovative, adventurous, artistic, athletic movers and shakers than their brethren and sistren born in other months?

Who knows: maybe George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks, John Grisham, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Gertrude Stein, Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan, John Steinbeck, Thomas Edison, Frederick Dougless, Ralph Nader, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Tommy Smothers, Chris Rock, Susan B. Anthony, Charles Lindbergh, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Jim Brown, Johnny Cash, Elizabeth Taylor, L. L. Bean, Jaromir Jagr, Norman Rockwell, Jack Benny, Bill Russell, Charles Darwin, Ja Rule, Dr. Dre, Charles Dickens, and Christie Brinkley all being born in February is just coincidence.

Or maybe not.

Sure, a few February natives might feel we’d be better off if our month had been allotted a greater number of days, like its bloated neighbors January and March. But as a group we’re the furthest thing from envious. After all, according to nationaldaycalendar.com, the second month is already home to National Dark Chocolate Day, National Texas Day, National Get Up Day, National Baked Alaska Day, National Freedom Day, National Serpent Day, and National Girls and Women in Sports Day, and that’s just on February 1!

The shortest month is literally fraught with special days and observances. Not counting its first 24 hours, February’s first week contains Optimist Day, National Tater Tot Day, National Heavenly Hash Day, Groundhog Day, Bubble Gum Day, National Wear Red Day, National Carrot Cake Day, National Women Physicians Day, National Hemp Day, National Homemade Soup Day, National Create a Vacuum Day, National Thank a Mail Carrier Day, National Weatherperson’s Day, National Shower With a Friend Day, World Nutella Day, National Chopsticks Day, National Lame Duck Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day, National Periodic Table Day, National Send a Card to a Friend Day, and National Fettuccine Alfredo Day. And would anyone like to guess which month also contains National Pork Rind Day, National Love Your Pet Day, and National Chocolate Covered Nut Day?

Here’s a hint: it starts with “F,” and ends in “ruary.”

I’ve also heard that there’s a significant football game on the second Sunday of the month, but I’ve been so busy preparing for National Umbrella Day (February 10), National Flag of Canada Day (the 15th) and National Strawberry Day (the 27th) that I haven’t had time to notice.

If we February natives have a chip on our shared shoulders, it’s only because we’re tired of being unfairly resented by the unfortunates born in one of the eleven lesser months. But since our collective default setting is kindness, maybe we’ll say a prayer for them on Fat Tuesday (February 21) or Ash Wednesday (the 22nd). Better yet, we’ll go to our accustomed perch on the moral high ground and send some healing karma their way on February 26, which is National Set an Example Day. <