Andy Young: How many Months in a month?

By Andy Young

June is an utterly unique month. None of the other eleven months begins on the same day of the week as June does.

Ever.

Not only that, March and June always end on the same day of the week, even in a leap year.

A surprising number of June’s 30 days have been designated as special ones, including Father’s Day, Juneteenth, Flag Day, and, in just about every high school in the state, Graduation Day. But that’s just scratching the surface.

June is also National Rose Month, National Safety Month, National Adopt a cat Month, National Country Cooking Month, National Zoo and Aquarium Month, National Dairy Month, and National Fruit and Vegetables Month. In addition, June is Caribbean-American Heritage Month, Men’s Health Month, African-American Music Appreciation Month, Aphasia Awareness Month, and Rebuild Your Life Month.

Far be it from me to criticize the folks running the DMD (Department of Month Designation), but how can anyone possibly cram so many Months into just one month, let alone one with only 30 days in it? I’d happily commemorate each Month within the month of June, but I’m not sure I’d have the time or the wherewithal.

Ever.

Some of June’s Months won’t be a problem. I already eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, and between that and refraining from tobacco use, skateboarding, helmetless motorcycle riding and social media, I’m doing my part to observe Men's Health Month. The milk I pour on my cereal each morning covers National Dairy Month, and I’d like to think buckling up before I start my car qualifies me as an active observer of National Safety Month.

I’m perfectly willing to visit a zoo and/or an aquarium, and since I’m a big fan of diversity and learning, I’m all for taking part in any or all activities celebrating Pride, National Caribbean American History, and African-American Music Appreciation, even though strictly speaking I don’t fit into any of the specific demographic groups those particular Months are designed to celebrate. Apparently I could also use a refresher course on Aphasia Awareness, because until I looked it up I thought Aphasia was the hair loss condition that afflicts Jada Pinkett Smith, and moved her husband, Will Smith, to angrily stalk out of the audience at the Oscars and slap Chris Rock, the ceremony’s host, after Mr. Rock’s unscripted wisecrack that alluded to Ms. Pinkett Smith’s shaved head a few years back. Oops. That’s alopecia, not aphasia. My bad.

I’d happily celebrate as many of June’s Months as possible, but I’m drawing the line at adopting a cat. The money I’d spend on cat food, kitty litter, and veterinarian fees would make it fiscally unfeasible for me to buy anyone a dozen roses. Or any roses, for that matter.

Ever.

As difficult as it would be to properly observe each of June’s Months, commemorating each of its special “Days” would be even harder. National Iced Tea Day, World Bicycle Day, National Bubbly Day, World Oceans Day, National Donut Day, World Environment Day, International Day of Family Remittances, World Milk Day, and Fresh Veggies Day are just some of this month’s designated “Days.”

June 1 alone is National Nail Polish Day, National Game Show Day, National Olive Day, National Hazelnut Cake Day, National Go Barefoot Day, National Pen Pal Day, National Heimlich Maneuver Day, and National Say Something Nice Day.

Here’s what I’ll say that’s nice: I’m glad no one is required to wear Nail Polish on National Nail Polish Day.

And I sincerely hope that no one reading this needs to give (or receive) the Heimlich Maneuver this month.

Or ever. <