“Hi
Lorraine,” the email began. “[I am] continuing to enjoy the Eagle, including
your thoughtful editorials. It must be hard to come up with fresh topics week
after week, but you seem to manage well!”
The
author of this email had no clue how his kinds words truly made my day, and
quite literally turned it completely around to one of joy in a matter of
seconds. You see, this email entered my mailbox immediately following three
other emails where the support and kind words were – well, um, how should I put
this --- not present. It’s from that experience I became more aware how words have
a great impact on others. Instead of provoking pain, words can be used to fan
the flame of kindness.
Although
freedictionary.com describes fanning the flame as; “To do or say
something to make an argument, problem, or bad
situation worse”, I would add that one
can take an argument, problem or bad situation and dowse it with reflection and
courtesy, making circumstances better.
I remember my mom telling me when I was a young child,
“things just aren’t like the used to be in the good ol’ days,”. I may be
channeling her right now, but it does seem things have changed recently in our
approach to one another. Like the good ol’ days of my youth, respectful consideration
was incorporated when communicating with others. Not that it was all peaches
and cream, as life is filled with human error, but “telling it like it is” was
reserved for those who hadn’t completed a thorough inquiry before expressing an
opinion. Now, telling it like it is without reflection has become synonymous
with courage and strength. But according to an article written by Dr. Karyn
Hall, the director of Dialectical Behavior Therapy Center in Houston, Texas,
the exact opposite is true.
Dr.
Hall writes in the online magazine, Psychology Today, “While kindness has a
connotation of meaning someone is naive or weak, that is not the case. Being
kind often requires courage and strength. Kindness is an interpersonal skill.”
This,
of course, doesn’t mean that we should refrain from telling the truth as we view
it, but it can be done in a courteous manner that abstains from hurtful
discourse.
“Kindness
is also about telling the truth in a gentle way when doing so is helpful
to the other person,” wrote Dr. Hall. “Receiving accurate feedback in a loving
and caring way is an important part of a trusted relationship. The courage to
give and receive truthful feedback is a key component of growth and flexible
thinking. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201712/the-importance-kindness
I
do try my best to practice what I write, but in all honesty, I fail from time
to time. In fact, I think my mother has reached down from the heavens and popped
me on the mouth more than once – because, you know, they did that in the good
ol’ days.
The
truth is, my mother was not much of a corporal disciplinarian. She instead
chose to fan the flames of kindness when she spoke to others – as well as to
me. I’m trying to walk more in her footsteps. And, I wonder, if we all tried
kindness more often, how many bad days could be turned around in a matter of
seconds to one of joy.
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