Andy Young: Even dumber than the lottery

By Andy Young

Like nearly everyone in America who voted thoughtfully in this year’s elections, I’m satisfied with some outcomes and less than thrilled about others.

At least I can look forward to a respite from the dozens of daily emails I’d been getting from Democrats, Republicans, special interest groups, temporarily motivated celebrities, lobbyists, and others pestering me for my money, my vote, or both. Another upside: campaign-themed ads have stopped filling the mailbox outside my home, meaning the junk mail I’ll be getting for the foreseeable future will be limited to the familiar circulars that trumpet the weekly specials at local grocery stores, appeals from various charities, and inducements to buy products I either don’t need or can’t afford.

Thankfully I am not among those whose health returned to normal only after the campaigning had concluded. My blood pressure was approximately 100 over 70 when it was measured at the Red Cross back in early May, and it was virtually unchanged this past weekend when I stopped by the Portland Blood Center again to drop off another load of platelets for someone who currently needs them more than I do.

That my health was apparently unaffected by the just-completed election cycle can be attributed to three factors. The first, of course, was dumb luck, since I wasn’t run over by a bus, bitten by a rabid animal, or stricken with any debilitating illnesses in the past 10 months.

The second was the conscious decision I made early this year to completely tune out every political pundit who makes their living pontificating about the election. Staying true to this self-pledge was made somewhat easier by not having a television in my home. However, I still had to make the effort to avoid using my computer to access any and all election-centric print, broadcast, or internet commentaries having anything to do with the popularity contest that decided who’d be America’s 47th chief executive. But doing so was surprisingly easy. After all, I’ve successfully gone years without watching a single moment of the World Series, not to mention entire seasons of college and professional football. For a male of my vintage, tuning out politics was a breeze compared to that.

But the most significant reason election-related hypertension hasn't troubled me involves an epiphany I had some years ago, when I realized that giving money to any aspiring presidential candidate (or to either major political party) is even dumber than playing the lottery.

A Powerball ticket costs $2. The chances of winning the grand prize are approximately 1 in 292.2 million. Some insensitive types have compared purchasing lottery tickets to flushing money down the toilet.

But at least lottery players have a chance, albeit an infinitesimal one, to get some return on their ill-advised investment(s). Americans remaining in touch with reality fully realize by now that the chances of an ordinary citizen impacting the presidential race with a financial contribution are exactly zero.

The previous sentence’s key phrase is “ordinary citizen.” If the contributor in question is Google, Apple, Amazon, a large labor union, or a corporation that sells oil, tobacco, pharmaceuticals, alcohol, firearms, or some other scandalously profitable product(s), well, that's a well-fed thoroughbred of a different color.

Anyone considering a run for the White House in 2028 will be wasting their time if they come to me looking for financial assistance. The only difference between giving money to presidential candidates and flushing it down the toilet is that tossing it to the politicians won’t clog up the plumbing.

And nearly all Americans agree Washington D.C. doesn’t need any more of what clogs up plumbing. <