Those
who know me best are keenly aware of my ultra-competitive nature and desire to
win at whatever game I’m playing. Perhaps some of that stems from endless hours
of watching game shows on television as a kid and trying to shout out the
answer before the contestants did.
Yes,
I was, and remain to this day, a sucker for contests pitting ordinary foes
against each other in a showdown for a new fully furnished living room set or
oodles of cold hard cash. No matter if it was “The Newlywed Game” or
“Concentration” or “The Joker’s Wild” or “Jeopardy,” if it had a question-and-answer
format, I was down with it and that led to a lifetime pursuit of useless
trivial knowledge that has consumed hours upon end of my life.
Among
the useless tidbits I have acquired and filed away for future reference through
the years -- 1967 American League batting champion Carl Yastrzemski hit .326 in
leading the Boston Red Sox to the AL title that year; Valletta is the capital
of Malta; the King of Hearts is the only king in a deck of standard playing
cards without a mustache; and that Richard Mentor Johnson of Kentucky served as
U.S. vice president under the eighth U.S. president, Martin Van Buren.
From
the realm of musical trivia, were you aware that singer Mac Davis’s lone Number
One hit as a solo artist was “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me” in 1972, but that
also he wrote “In the Ghetto” for Elvis Presley’s 1968 Comeback Special? And my
father used to chuckle because I knew that the one-hit wonder “They’re Coming
to Take Me Away Ha-Haaa” was recorded by Napoleon XIV.
I
also can tell you that in terms of distance, Maine is the closest U.S. state to
the continent of Africa, or that the real name of U2’s Bono is Paul David
Hewson. How about that Dave Thomas opened the first Wendy’s in Columbus, Ohio
in 1969? Or that because of their weight, elephants are unable to physically
jump?
One
would assume that possessing all of this knowledge of trivia would lead to wild
success in board games or a shot at a televised game show, but you’d be wrong.
When
I was in elementary school, I dominated when playing classic board games such
as Go To The Head of the Class; Password; Careers; Life; Uncle Wiggly; and Game
of the States.
In
taking the Jeopardy test online twice, my computer stalled each time and I
ended up blowing my chance at meeting Alex Trebek. But I actually did get to
interview Pat Sajak and Vanna White in Phoenix, Arizona when I tried out for
Wheel of Fortune in the 1980s. I made it through the first round of contestant
testing yet bombed miserably in the second and much harder elimination round.
In
1999, I nearly made it through the phone elimination for Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire? My phone answer was in the correct percentile on the first night,
but I was .002 percent slower than my opponents across the nation in answering
the question on the second night of elimination testing.
As
a result, I missed a chance to go to New York City because of a slow finger. My
longstanding dream of appearing on the same podium with Regis Philbin or any
other hosts from vintage TV game shows such as Wink Martindale; Bill Cullen;
Peter Tomarken; Allen Ludden; Bert Convy; Dennis James; or Art Fleming remains
stalled.
At
least at home I still am the undisputed master of trivia when playing the board
game version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire that my wife and I picked up at a
thrift store in New Hampshire a few years back.
Scrabble
is another story though. My wife Nancy presents a significant challenge and I
have to play her extremely cautiously to avoid setting her up for triple word
scores in the outside corners and feeling humiliated until the next game.
But
at least in playing Scrabble, I only have to come up with words, not recite
facts like 3-foot-7 Eddie Gaedel was the shortest player to ever bat in a Major
League Baseball game or that one dairy cow can produce up to 200,000 glasses of
milk in a lifetime.
And
lastly, if you were to ask me what country’s capital has the fastest growing
population, my answer would be Ireland, because every day it’s Dublin. <
–Ed Pierce
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