The
snow tumbled inside my high healed shoe as my left foot swung out of the car
door and into a plowed snowbank on the side of the street. Although I had lived
through five Maine winters at this point, I still couldn’t grasp the concept
that one would wear LL Bean Boots while, at the same time, wearing a fancy
cocktail dress. I changed my mind about winter shoe fashion on that cold
December night. But that was not the only thing that shifted for me that
evening.
This
incident happened about fifteen years ago, and it was at an annual holiday party
among a group of my friends. This gathering had started as a yearly ritual to
give my friends and I an excuse to wear the fancy clothing we purchased for
weddings and other special occasions but rarely wore again. Plus, it was a way
to lighten the dark cold winter months and have fun together.
Once
inside the hosts’ warm West End Condo in Portland and after making my rounds of
hugs, hellos and jovial small talk, I made a beeline to the bar in the dining
room to make myself a festive vodka martini. Once I plopped the last of the
three olives into the martini glass, I turned around only to have been captured
by the iridescent sky-blue eyes of my friend, Darcy. She was donning a stylish black
velvet dress and was sitting elegantly on a barstool across the room. Because
walking was difficult for Darcy, her gaze invited me to walk towards her.
“I
love your dress” I said as I approached her. She waited for me to draw nearer
to speak. The noise of the crowded room only made it more difficult for Darcy
to be heard. It had only been two years since her ALS diagnosis, but the
disease was already robbing her ability to speak.
We
didn’t waste much time on the usual party chatter because when one’s pending
death is shrewdly looming in the corners, wasting time feels like a crime.
Instead, we discussed one of the most important subjects that made us kindred
spirits – writing. The reverence for words fed our souls and where we found a
little life of grace.
Darcy’s
book, “I Remember Running: The Year I Got Everything I Ever Wanted - and ALS”, was hot off the press and we
discussed her upcoming book tours and the fact that the softcover was already
being sold and translated into Japanese. It wasn’t long, however, until she
shifted the focus of the conversation to me.
“How
is your writing going?” Darcy asked. The truth was - it wasn’t. I pulled out
every excuse imaginable to explain where I was in the writing process, or the
lack thereof. She always believed in my ability to put pen to paper and this
night, she saw the truth through my self-justifications.
“I
want you to promise me something,” her smile turned serious and I leaned
forward to make sure I heard what I was about to agree to. “I want you to
promise me to write in my place when I can no longer do so.” I assured her that
I would.
Exactly
one year later, as I walked up those same West-End condo steps in my fancy
cocktail dress and LL Bean Boots, the promise I had made the previous year
became more of a reality. ALS had won the fight with Darcy earlier that
morning.
The
cocktail party was a somber event. We considered cancelling the get-together, but
we knew Darcy would not appreciate it and would want us to party away. To have
cancelled would have been to dishonor her. It was, however, our last holiday
gathering.
Recently
I realized I am not only keeping my promise to Darcy, but I am keeping a
promise to myself. Since the age of 11, I wanted to be a full-time
writer/author, but believed it wasn’t a smart career move. But much like the LL
Bean boots and cocktail dress combo fashion, I have changed my mind.
I
turn 55 in September and, although I may have another good 30 years of life
ahead of me, there are no guarantees. It is time for me to step up my game and
complete the book of essays, write the next great American novel, and to
publish on a larger scale. It is for this reason I have chosen to step down as
the Editor of The Windham Eagle Newspaper.
But
this doesn’t mean you have totally gotten rid of me. I still plan to be a very
active staff writer because – well – I profusely love capturing the many
amazing stories of the Windham and Raymond communities and meeting the many
giving, positive, joyful people who live here. And - I love my Eagle cohorts
way too much to say goodbye.
Since
I do enjoy eating and do need to pay the bills, I have accepted a part time job
that is a bit more flexible and accommodating to a writer’s life. So, you may
be seeing me in more than a writer’s capacity around town. I will, however, be
continuing in my role as Editor until a replacement has been found and is ready
to make it on their own. I’m committed to making the transition as smooth as
possible and will be here as long as needed.
But
finally - to give an answer to the many times I’ve been asked, if (or should I
say when?), I make it to the New York Time’s Best Sellers list, I will be happy
to give you my autograph.
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