The
email, sent to a board of directors of which I am a member, was referring to
the individual’s 24-year-old nephew who is in the process of taking his last
breaths. He was diagnosed with brain cancer six months ago.
The
news comes on the cusp of my reading the book, “Everything Happens for a Reason
– and Other Lies I’ve Loved” by Kate Bowler. Bowler is a cancer survivor and an
Assistant Professor of Duke Divinity School.
Although
I am one to hop on the think-positive-train wholeheartedly, I have always
hesitated when “everything happens for a reason” is uttered. I believe, without
a doubt, we have some control over what happens in our lives and we most likely
have control over our responses. But is it safe to say that EVERYTHING happens
for a reason?
I
think it is possible that some things just happen and when they are unfair, confusing
and painful we tend to apply human reason to make sense of it all. This, in and
of itself, really bears no issue.
If one believes that absolutely everything happens for a reason, fair enough. But it can become an issue, when one is certain of a specific viewpoint. It has the tendency to create judgment and make us overly certain of our personal truths which seem to give us the freedom to apply the “reason” philosophy on everyone - in every situation.
If one believes that absolutely everything happens for a reason, fair enough. But it can become an issue, when one is certain of a specific viewpoint. It has the tendency to create judgment and make us overly certain of our personal truths which seem to give us the freedom to apply the “reason” philosophy on everyone - in every situation.
In
the midst of painful experiences, such as cancer and other unbearables, this
certainty can cause greater harm, pain and damage to those who are already
suffering.
Bowler
shares some of her thoughts on how people responded to her cancer. “My [email]
inbox is full of strangers giving reasons. People offer them like wildflowers
picked along the way…they want me to know, without a doubt, that there is
hidden logic to this seeming chaos. (p. 112).
Bowler
states the hardest lessons come from the “solutions people” who tell her that
attitude is everything and it determines one’s destiny. “I am immediately worn
out by the tyranny of prescriptive joy,” she said.
I’m
not offering what each person should do or believe. I can’t. Because no one
owns the copyright on truth. What I’m suggesting is that perhaps we should not make
assumptions in certain circumstances where the lines of reason are fuzzy. Especially
for those already facing horrendous situations. What good is it to be right in
such instances if it only wears down an already weary and broken person?
In
terms of whether there is a reason for everything or not is not as important as
the awareness that what we say, can and does have a great impact on others.
So,
let’s just agree that either everything happens for a reason or everything
happens for a reason and enjoy our perceptions while being mindful of
others.
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