I have always loved Mother’s Day. It’s not because I am a mother because I am not (unless you count four-legged fur balls as “children.”)
I can’t describe the reason for my affinity regarding the celebration of our Moms, but there is something special about this day. When I was young I worked for a greenhouse and garden center in Kansas and Mother’s Day was our “Christmas time.” It was our busiest day of the year. Because of that experience, it’s represents to me a time for planting flowers and bringing the beauty and joy of the summer months back into our lives. But it can also be because I love my own mother so much. Unfortunately, at the age of 82, she passed and is no longer here with us.
As much as I love this holiday, I cringe a bit when I wish someone a “Happy Mother’s Day”, if I don’t know them well. One simply cannot know what loss, infertility or trauma an individual has experienced. Much like the winter holidays, Mother’s Day can bring up some unpleasant feelings.
If that’s your story, I want to take a moment and honor you. Whether it’s that your mother is no longer here or she would not have made the “best mother of the year award”, if infertility has played a role or you have outlived a child - I just want to say that you are okay for not being happy about this holiday.
For those whose mother has passed away, your sadness is valid.
If your mother (or your son/daughter) was a bit of a challenge and things have not gone as planned, your anger is valid.
If biology isn’t working in your favor and has played a role, your disappointment is valid.
If you had to say “good bye” to a child, your sadness, anger and disappointment is valid.
I am aware that you don’t need me to validate your emotions. However, I want take a moment and recognize what some women may experience on a day that has the expectations of being a happy celebration - I simply want others to feel okay about not feeling okay.
Why? Because it is what my mom taught me to do. That’s why.
In memory of my mother, Alleta Westine Noll.